I was cleaning up some files today and came across this. I don't know who wrote it...but it is somewhat interesting...and thought provoking...and maybe even just a touch amusing.
Maybe it was Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes. It sounds kinda like something he would write.
Have a read.
If you enjoyed it, leave a comment. If you didn't enjoy it, lighten
UP!
You think English is easy???
1) The bandage was
wound around the
wound.
2) The farm was used to
produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to
refuse more
refuse.
4) We must
polish the
Polish furniture.
5) He could
lead if he would get the
lead out.
6) The soldier decided to
desert his
dessert in the
desert.
7) Since there is no time like the
present, he thought it was time to
present the
present.
8) A
bass was painted on the head of the
bass drum.
9) When shot at, the
dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not
object to the
object.
11) The insurance was
invalid for the
invalid.
12) There was a
row among the oarsmen about how to
row.
13) They were too
close to the door to
close it.
14) The buck
does funny things when the
does are present.
15) A seamstress and a
sewer fell down into a
sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his
sow to
sow.
17) The
wind was too strong to
wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the
tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
19) I had to
subject the
subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I
intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language!
There is no
egg in
eggplant, nor
ham in
hamburger; neither
apple nor
pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in
England or
French Fries in
France ..
Sweetmeats are
candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that
writers write but
fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham? If the plural of
tooth is
teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth,
beeth? One
goose, 2
geese. So one
moose, 2
meese? One
index, 2
indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one
amend? If you have a bunch of
odds and
ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If
teachers taught, why didn't
preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people
recite at a play and
play at a recital?
Ship by truck and
send cargo by ship? Have
noses that run and
feet that smell?
How can a
slim chance and a
fat chance be the same, while a
wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it
burns down, in which you
fill in a form by
filling it out and in which, an alarm
goes off by
going on.
English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human
race, which, of course, is not a
race at all. That is why when the
stars are out they are
visible but when the
lights are out they are
invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't
'Buick' rhyme with
'quick' ?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this...
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is
'UP'.
It's easy to understand
UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake
UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come
UP ? Why do we speak
UP and why are the officers
UP for election and why is it
UP to the secretary to write
UP a report ?
We call
UP our friends. And we use it to brighten
UP a room, polish
UP the silver; we warm
UP the leftovers and clean
UP the kitchen. We lock
UP the house and some guys fix
UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir
UP trouble, line
UP for tickets, work
UP an appetite, and think
UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed
UP is special.
And this
UP is confusing: A drain must be opened
UP because it is stopped
UP. We open
UP a store in the morning but we close it
UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed
UP about
UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of
UP, look the word
UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes
UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add
UP to about thirty definitions. If you are
UP to it, you might try building
UP a list of the many ways
UP is used. It will take
UP a lot of your time but if you don't give
UP, you may wind
UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding
UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing
UP! When is rains, it wets the earth and often messes things
UP.
When is doesn't rain for awhile, things dry
UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it
UP, for now my time is
UP, so........it is time to shut
UP!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U-P!