Advice From a Retired Husband

It is important for men to remember that as their wives grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some women are overly sensitive, and there's nothing worse that an overly sensitive woman.



My name is Jack. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Judy. When I retired a few years ago it became necessary for Judy to get a full time job, along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working I noticed that she was beginning to show her age.



I usually get home from the Golf Club about the same time she gets off the bus from work. Although she knows how hungry I am she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her...instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me up when she gets my dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the Golf Club, so going out again for dinner is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.



She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her, (several times) each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.



Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, right? So I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.



When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break last Saturday morning when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice big cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit by me here in the shade for a while. Oh, and as long as she is making one for herself she may as well make one for me too.



I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Judy. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult if not impossible. Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys...even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this posting, I will consider that writing it was well worth while. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other, right?



EDITOR'S NOTE:

Jack died suddenly on 1 September of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50 inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end...with barely 5 inches of grip showing...and a sledge hammer nearby. His wife Judy was arrested and charged with murder. The all woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her not guilty...accepting her defence that Jack, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his own golf club.

.

.

.

.

.

OK...OK...I know that this post has generated a level of disgust among all readers...(especially you Nicola, and you Jennifer, and definately you Brandi) but just for the record...it isn't true...at least not all of it.

I received this "humorous" post in an e-mail from one of my friends, Danielle McKearney. I too felt a certain level of disgust when reading it. I also found it humourous. But honestly I felt a little bit of shame as well.

As you can probably tell the names have been changed to not protect the not so innocent.

You see, I am "retired", at least partially, and Judy is working full time...but she doesn't have a part time job...at least not yet...(feeble attempt at humour).

Judy likes the company she works for, she enjoys the people she works with, she enjoys the social interaction and the feeling of accomplishment and contribution. But, in the back of her mind she would like to be retired, and have the freedom and time to be a mama and a grandma and a wife and a friend. (Things she already accomplishes...and very well.)

And I want to stay retired (at least from punching some employer's time clock) but enjoy working full time (on a self employed basis) by using my knowledge and experience and the skills that I am very good at...and up until the last few months that is what I have done.

But, with the economic downturn the main clients that I have are struggling financially. They still have ample work that they need me to do for them but they don't have ample money to pay me for doing the work. So although I am busy, I am, for the first time in our married lives, not the main "breadwinner" in our family. This is difficult for an "old school", "conservative", "male chauvenist", "red neck", "cave dweller" like me to deal with.

You see, I get up with Judy every morning, very early. I drive Judy to work and drop her off at the door to her building every morning, as I have for the past 7 years (she doesn't take the bus). I come back to the house and get busy doing my work. I don't golf. I don't eat out at the Golf Club. I don't have a "Big Bertha" (thank goodness). And I schedule my day around being back in front of her building, on time, every afternoon to pick her up at the door and bring her home.

So far it's not too bad...



But then the story hits home...Judy gets in the door from working all day and loves to sit down and watch Dr. Phil, or Judge Judy, depending on the time. I don't have supper waiting for her. (When I was the one working outside the home she always had supper waiting for me when I got home from work). I usually go to my home office and try to finish up whatever I was working on during the day. She makes supper and lets me know when it is ready. Sometimes she even has to wake me up and let me know that supper is ready. (Shame on me)



I printed out the original e-mail from Dani and gave it to Judy to read on the way to work yesterday. She laughed...but she also cried...and that tells the story from her side...it obviously hits a little close to home for her as well...



Only a dummy wouldn't get the point...I guess I better do better...and I will.



I asked Judy to add her thoughts at the end of this posting. She said that she would make her comment as a comment...so look for Judy's perspective there.